It has been "officially" over between me and Dharmvir for a few months now. I know I did not say anything about it earlier because.... well.... Dharmvir seemed really hurt... ..... I guess I did not want to make a "headline" of it.....
We said farewell to each other. I know, we never had a relationship in the proper sense of the word but...... Even though I was not expecting him to ever want to talk to me anymore, I still kept him on my contact list because, you never know.
I suppose it's better for things to be this way between us at least I won'’t be able to break his heart again and he can make it available to love someone else. Well at least I did not tell him "let's just be friends". I have to admit that I do miss chatting with him.
Dharmvir sent me an offline message after our farewells, I was really surprised. It had been a while since I had seen him online and I didn't think he would want to talk to me again. But he came while I was away and by the time I got back he had already signed out. I did miss him quite a bit.
We were able to chat after those offline messages, his feelings had not changed. I still feel bad about this situation. I really messed up.....
Dharmvir believes that I stay invisible when he is online so he wont see me. He told me something about someone giving him a software to see who is sitting invisible etc.... I assured him that I was not hiding from him but he does not believe me.... I'm not going to argue about this. Like Dolores O' Riordan says, "There's no need to argue anymore...."
Why did the relationship end? Dharmvir says I never told him I did not want the relationship rather I said we could not have one, because of practical reasons. He assumed I wanted it but just didn't see how it would be possible. Like I've been saying, I really underestimated the seriousness of the situation... I took all this too lightly from the start and someone ended up being hurt....
I don't think I can ever make it right so I'll just try not to make any wrong anymore. I might be closing this chapter for now.
Showing posts with label Dharmvir. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dharmvir. Show all posts
Friday, April 28, 2006
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Did I break Dharmvir's heart?
I hope not. But it sure looked like I did.
I told Dharmvir "I did not want this to become a real relationship". He was really surprised since he told me that I had never said that before. According to him, all I ever said in the past was that it wasn't possible. As awful as it may sound, I'm afraid that I can't refute what he said. I might not have made it clear to him like that before.
At first I did not take him too seriously, I believe you can be intrigued, interested, attracted to someone you have chatted with a few times but I don't believe you can fall in love with her. When I started taking him seriously I probably told him the usual, the same thing I tell anyone who's at the other end of the world and wants to be my boyfriend/husband or anything of the sort and that I suspect might maybe -you never know- be "serious" : we probably will never meet face to face so it wont happen. For me it's another way of saying that I don't even give it a second thought. The problem is, if the person is "really" in love, that unfortunately won't be enough, you know the myth about love being able to surmount all obstacles, Romeo and Juliet -or Tristan and Iseult- also believed in that.
I probably did not insist enough on me not wanting this love relationship. So to him it seemed like I did not think it will ever happen but if it did I probably would have nothing against it... maybe.
All I can say is, after reminding him of the reasons I gave him a few months ago for not even considering ever falling in love with him, all he said was "ok bye" and he was gone...
A few days later he was back online and I asked him whether he was mad and of course his answer was no.
We talked for a while and it was actually interesting. He had his web cam on and he showed me around his computer center, he also had three of his students who were there, two young women and a young man. Dharmvir looked so happy while chatting with me, he was smiling all the time. I did not know I could have that effect on someone at such a distance... And guess what? His smiling and looking all happy had nothing to do with me, well at least not too much, he was chatting with another friend who was telling him jokes. I had overestimated the power of love...
His students were smiling and asking about me, they were so curious, they asked him about me and wanted to see my picture. -Can you guess what he told them about me?- Dharmvir asked me not to break their hearts by refusing but I did not feel comfortable with the idea, so they did not get to see my picture though I have two different pictures on two yahoo profiles, if Dharmvir knew that he could have shown them but I suppose I never told him about those photos.
The talk went on and we came inevitably to the point where Dharmvir was telling me again about his love... He also sent me virtual flowers so I thanked him for the flowers. He asked if the thank you was only for the flowers and my answer was yes. He said bye to me when I ask whether he was leaving is told me I broke his heart and that I always do that...
Dharmvir still loves me.I don't know how he does it...
I told Dharmvir "I did not want this to become a real relationship". He was really surprised since he told me that I had never said that before. According to him, all I ever said in the past was that it wasn't possible. As awful as it may sound, I'm afraid that I can't refute what he said. I might not have made it clear to him like that before.
At first I did not take him too seriously, I believe you can be intrigued, interested, attracted to someone you have chatted with a few times but I don't believe you can fall in love with her. When I started taking him seriously I probably told him the usual, the same thing I tell anyone who's at the other end of the world and wants to be my boyfriend/husband or anything of the sort and that I suspect might maybe -you never know- be "serious" : we probably will never meet face to face so it wont happen. For me it's another way of saying that I don't even give it a second thought. The problem is, if the person is "really" in love, that unfortunately won't be enough, you know the myth about love being able to surmount all obstacles, Romeo and Juliet -or Tristan and Iseult- also believed in that.
I probably did not insist enough on me not wanting this love relationship. So to him it seemed like I did not think it will ever happen but if it did I probably would have nothing against it... maybe.
All I can say is, after reminding him of the reasons I gave him a few months ago for not even considering ever falling in love with him, all he said was "ok bye" and he was gone...
A few days later he was back online and I asked him whether he was mad and of course his answer was no.
We talked for a while and it was actually interesting. He had his web cam on and he showed me around his computer center, he also had three of his students who were there, two young women and a young man. Dharmvir looked so happy while chatting with me, he was smiling all the time. I did not know I could have that effect on someone at such a distance... And guess what? His smiling and looking all happy had nothing to do with me, well at least not too much, he was chatting with another friend who was telling him jokes. I had overestimated the power of love...
His students were smiling and asking about me, they were so curious, they asked him about me and wanted to see my picture. -Can you guess what he told them about me?- Dharmvir asked me not to break their hearts by refusing but I did not feel comfortable with the idea, so they did not get to see my picture though I have two different pictures on two yahoo profiles, if Dharmvir knew that he could have shown them but I suppose I never told him about those photos.
The talk went on and we came inevitably to the point where Dharmvir was telling me again about his love... He also sent me virtual flowers so I thanked him for the flowers. He asked if the thank you was only for the flowers and my answer was yes. He said bye to me when I ask whether he was leaving is told me I broke his heart and that I always do that...
Dharmvir still loves me.I don't know how he does it...
Monday, June 20, 2005
Saying I love you in color
Dharmvir came back after a few weeks of absence, we used to chat every day... It was almost a ritual, I would get an international call, and I would know it was Dharmvir telling me that he is online. Now he came back and he is still telling me that he loves me! -Maybe I should take this more seriously...-
Trying to post a picture on this blog I discovered how Hello can be funny. I entered the caption and clicked the button to send the picture and I see a heart falling like in the yahoo falling hearts IMVironment, so I tried many captions with the word "love" and I saw the heart each time. It's probably because Hello is a sort of chatting/photo-sharing software,probably...
Trying to post a picture on this blog I discovered how Hello can be funny. I entered the caption and clicked the button to send the picture and I see a heart falling like in the yahoo falling hearts IMVironment, so I tried many captions with the word "love" and I saw the heart each time. It's probably because Hello is a sort of chatting/photo-sharing software,probably...
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Dharmvir
Dharmvir is a 25-year-old Indian living in Punjab, he is an IT professional and also a teacher. He sent me a PM while we were in the "Hot Tub" -the yahoo chat room...-.
He wanted to know my name and thought I was married (!).
He was maybe the third person to ask me for my phone number that day, I wonder why they all wanted to call me? The second day we chatted he was slowly but surely falling in love with me (?), I guessed that the fact that I told him I had no boyfriend kind of encouraged him. And also I must say that I did accept to meet him on the next day in the morning, I guess he considered it a date -did someone say cyber dating?-. Every since that day he is in love with me and is waiting for me to tell him those three words -can you guess which? -.
He gives me a call on my phone in the morning so I can know that he is online, since I always log in invisible mode he does not know whether I'm there or not. Just in case you were wondering -and didn't guess-, I don't share his feelings and I have told him that clearly, but we still chat almost every day, he is nice when he does not spend his time buzzing me. Oh I want to add that I have seen him on webcam and he looks... Well why don't you ask him to let you see him on cam one of those days. Did I ever mention that I don't like when people are continuously buzzing me.
He wanted to know my name and thought I was married (!).
He was maybe the third person to ask me for my phone number that day, I wonder why they all wanted to call me? The second day we chatted he was slowly but surely falling in love with me (?), I guessed that the fact that I told him I had no boyfriend kind of encouraged him. And also I must say that I did accept to meet him on the next day in the morning, I guess he considered it a date -did someone say cyber dating?-. Every since that day he is in love with me and is waiting for me to tell him those three words -can you guess which? -.
He gives me a call on my phone in the morning so I can know that he is online, since I always log in invisible mode he does not know whether I'm there or not. Just in case you were wondering -and didn't guess-, I don't share his feelings and I have told him that clearly, but we still chat almost every day, he is nice when he does not spend his time buzzing me. Oh I want to add that I have seen him on webcam and he looks... Well why don't you ask him to let you see him on cam one of those days. Did I ever mention that I don't like when people are continuously buzzing me.
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