Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Did I break Dharmvir's heart?

I hope not. But it sure looked like I did.

I told Dharmvir "I did not want this to become a real relationship". He was really surprised since he told me that I had never said that before. According to him, all I ever said in the past was that it wasn't possible. As awful as it may sound, I'm afraid that I can't refute what he said. I might not have made it clear to him like that before.

At first I did not take him too seriously, I believe you can be intrigued, interested, attracted to someone you have chatted with a few times but I don't believe you can fall in love with her. When I started taking him seriously I probably told him the usual, the same thing I tell anyone who's at the other end of the world and wants to be my boyfriend/husband or anything of the sort and that I suspect might maybe -you never know- be "serious" : we probably will never meet face to face so it wont happen. For me it's another way of saying that I don't even give it a second thought. The problem is, if the person is "really" in love, that unfortunately won't be enough, you know the myth about love being able to surmount all obstacles, Romeo and Juliet -or Tristan and Iseult- also believed in that.

I probably did not insist enough on me not wanting this love relationship. So to him it seemed like I did not think it will ever happen but if it did I probably would have nothing against it... maybe.

All I can say is, after reminding him of the reasons I gave him a few months ago for not even considering ever falling in love with him, all he said was "ok bye" and he was gone...

A few days later he was back online and I asked him whether he was mad and of course his answer was no.

We talked for a while and it was actually interesting. He had his web cam on and he showed me around his computer center, he also had three of his students who were there, two young women and a young man. Dharmvir looked so happy while chatting with me, he was smiling all the time. I did not know I could have that effect on someone at such a distance... And guess what? His smiling and looking all happy had nothing to do with me, well at least not too much, he was chatting with another friend who was telling him jokes. I had overestimated the power of love...

His students were smiling and asking about me, they were so curious, they asked him about me and wanted to see my picture. -Can you guess what he told them about me?- Dharmvir asked me not to break their hearts by refusing but I did not feel comfortable with the idea, so they did not get to see my picture though I have two different pictures on two yahoo profiles, if Dharmvir knew that he could have shown them but I suppose I never told him about those photos.

The talk went on and we came inevitably to the point where Dharmvir was telling me again about his love... He also sent me virtual flowers so I thanked him for the flowers. He asked if the thank you was only for the flowers and my answer was yes. He said bye to me when I ask whether he was leaving is told me I broke his heart and that I always do that...

Dharmvir still loves me.I don't know how he does it...

3 comments:

Sudhu said...

You're a heart-breaker Marguerite :).

Marguerite Jasmin said...

hehehe

Jess said...

Ive added you to my blogmarks so that I can come check back, I like your blog.

I met my husband through the computer, but.. we lived about 600 miles away and I told him if it were to continue, he HAD to come see me in person... he did.. 3 weeks later.
Now a few years down the road we are married.. It happens but I wouldnt hold your breath.. :)